“I beg of you to care about this. But I’m not sure that you do. I beg of myself to care about this, but I’m not sure that I do. Sometimes I cannot. Sometimes it is easier to watch Netflix and eat potato chips until I fall asleep. The problem with that kind of sleep is that I never want to get up from it. But I wake up the next day and force myself into life. I text friends, I go to work, I take care of my children, I tell people I love them. I know now, at 44, that not caring is how I play and replay my trauma on myself, and how I play and replay it upon you. I know that trauma is toxic and contagious. I know that it sometimes makes people reject me, it sometimes makes me find people who will reject me, and it sometimes makes me reject myself.” (more…)
